Sunday, October 19, 2014

Today I Claim Ownership Of The Planet Saturn

I'm not greedy. I don't want the whole solar system. Just a planet. Just Saturn. Earth is pretty much played out. The rings of Saturn are really cool looking, and I like how everything on the planet looks like it kind of just blends together. Seems like it would be a really great planet if people got to know it socially.

Which is why today I announce my ownership of the Planet Saturn for the whole universe to see. The Internet has a very long memory, so I'm entirely confident that some day the field of planetary law will evolve to the point where my legitimate claim will be recognized. Society will look back, and they will see that I was the first person to claim it. Sure, there are plenty of Saturn owners out there, but they own cars, where I own the actual Planet. Trust me, I Googled it.

So in case this isn't painfully clear, I call DIBS! on the planet Saturn. It's mine now. And I'm getting grumpy in my old age, so I'm going to ask that you kindly get the hell off my planet. And take your probes with you.

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